Unabashedly Unhyphenated: Introducing: Other Stuff that Michael Newdow thinks

Let's take a moment to consider Michael Newdow. You know...the guy who wants to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance off our our currency and out of our nation's collective soul? Well, he apparently has LOTS of thoughts. Based on one he's said, I'd say there's plenty of "interesting" stuff going on in his noodle.

The following is real:

"As I'm standing in line, I'm looking at the twenty dollar bill, and it says 'In God We Trust.' What the heck is this doing here? It just had never hit me. I looked at the ten dollar bill. 'In God We Trust.' And the five and the one and all the change. I thought, 'What is going on here? I don't trust in God. I'm an American.'

By the time I get to Michelle and Larry's house I'm fuming. I said, "Did you see this? It says 'In God We Trust.' " And they said, "Well, it's been there for a while." I told them, "I'm getting it off." "

What else might he be thinking? Well, let's hypothesize a bit. What about this?:

I've stopped using cash so as not to get "God Cooties" from handling anything that has a reference to, you know, Him. So, I was at the mall using my credit card to purchase some lumps of coal and they asked to see my driver's license. As I'm handing it to the clerk, I notice that it says "Michael" on it. I thought, "what the hell is with this?" Michael is a name from the bible for chrissakes! What were my parent's thinking?!!! This just cannot stand!

So, by the time I get to over to Fred and Ethel's house I'm pretty steamed. I said, "Will you look at this?" I'd never considered that I should be offended by my own name before. "Can I sue my parents over it? Is The State's forcing me to put such a biblical artifact on a document that identifies my personal person Constitutional?" They said, 'Well, what would you call yourself if you did manage to have the Ninth Circuit make your own name unconstitutional?" I told them that I'd just use a symbol, kind of like Prince did a few years back. I asked, "What do you think about 'sphincter?'"